Come on in to Heaven's Lower East Side.

The people and critters that live on the Lower East Side are here because of one redeeming quality or action in their lives that kept them from The Other Place. You know what I'm talkin' about. Hell, Hades, the Inferno, a Republican convention, all those names, it's still the same thing.

I'm Teddy, and I run the joint. OK, the Big Guy actually runs the place, but here I'm His second in command (you know, like the 2nd Lieutenant whose life span from the time his foot hits the water until he almost gets to the beach...) Nobody in the Lower East Side has actually seen BG face-to-face, not even me. But we all get messages from Him all the time.

I used to be a guardian angel, but I kinda got myself fired --- ah, but that's a story for another time. I'm still an angel, though, even though I may not look it to you. You're wonderin' about the wings. Don't even ask. Down here in the lower east, we're not exactly the Air Force... more like infantry.

One of the first things you've gotta do now that you're here is to get familiar with all the rules. Yeah, we got a lot of them, but there pretty important if ya wanna stay out of The Other Place.

Go on... get goin' now. I'll be waiting for you.